


The Rest of my Life

by MeredithBrody



Series: Destiny Era Stories [6]
Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: Destiny, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-08
Updated: 2014-02-08
Packaged: 2018-01-11 13:59:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MeredithBrody/pseuds/MeredithBrody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erika thinks about Jonathan as she realises it's 100 years before the day she was born.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rest of my Life

**Author's Note:**

> So, as happens frequently this started it's life as a drabble on Facebook, then Erika didn't stop talking. This is really sad, so I'm sorry.
> 
> Prompt: "I'm going to spend my entire life missing him." - Kurt 'Glee'

The years she'd spent in exile hadn't seemed to unload the ache she felt whenever she thought about him. The strangest things would remind her of him too. Sometimes just the sound that the leaves made as they blew in the wind. The way the sunlight reflected off the water. Just little things would take her right back to the days they'd spent together when she'd been young.

They were the things only young lovers would do. Laying out in the middle of the nowhere all night long. Sharing their hopes and dreams of the future and making love under the starry sky. Imagining what their lives might one day be. Dancing the night away together to a melody only the two of them could hear. Lagging behind their friends on nights out, just talking quietly together and enjoying one another's company.

Every memory was a crisp and clear to her as it was the day she'd made them. She remembered how rough his hands would feel against her hips, her stomach, her cheek. She remembered his smell after he'd get out of the shower and curl up beside her, annoying her into telling him what she was reading. She remembered the sound of his voice as he muttered in her ear, telling her the things he couldn't say aloud. She remembered the look he'd get on his face when he thought she wouldn't notice. She remembered everything.

She had belonged to him, heart and soul, and he'd belonged to her. There had been no doubt in either of their minds. Even while they'd been apart they'd belonged to one another. She remembered that in ancient literature, in history and mythology they were twin hearts. Two people who should not have worked together, but instead managed to work together perfectly out of respect, admiration and love.

The morning she'd left for Onias he'd desperately tried to keep her in bed with him, and he had succeeded in making her late for the launch, but being the Captain the ship hadn't been able to leave without her. He'd told her everything he felt, everything he wanted, and she'd realised that had been what she wanted too. She'd never admitted it until that day. Maybe she shouldn't have. Could he have moved on with the knowledge that they had wanted the same thing now. That she was ready to take that leap again.

It had been 600 years since she'd seen him, yet at the same time she wasn't going to be born for another 100 years. She wasn't going to meet him for another hundred years. Right now on Earth they were barrelling toward the third world war, poverty, conspiracy and political idealism were at the heart of it all. The space agencies were beginning to get together to plan Mars missions, secretly of course. So much was changing, yet so much would stay the same. She'd seen it all before. Learnt so much in her time here.

The one thing that hadn't changed in 600 years was how much she missed him. How much she missed hearing his voice when she was almost asleep. How much she missed his arms snaking around her stomach while she was thinking. How he'd pull her into his lap whenever they'd had a few minutes alone. The way he'd glower at her when they disagreed, when he knew she was right. She even missed how he'd show off when he was right.

What hurt the most was that she was never going to stop missing him. She was going to miss him every day for the rest of her life, and that could be a very long time. She was never going to see Jonathan again. She was going to live through his entire life, knowing what she knew, and she couldn't stop it. She couldn't tell him just to marry her on the spot, couldn't tell him about the Xindi, the Romulans. She could do nothing at all, and that wasn't a nice place to be in. She wanted to help Earth, she wanted to protect the love of her life, but she could do neither.

Instead she went down to the petrified tree by the reflecting pool where she and her crew used to meet and cried. She wasn't only crying for herself, but for all the lives she'd ended, none of whom had been born yet. All the lives she'd touched and hurt by going missing. Most of all she was crying for Jonathan. She loved him so much, and he was going to be the one most hurt by all of this.

Some might think her selfish, thinking that her disappearance had affected him that much, but she had been there after the Expanse, and in the years since he'd told her that she saved him. She felt that way about him too, how he'd saved her after the Orions. They had meant so much to each other since the very day they met, and she'd never known how deeply their bond would span. But now she knew, and it hurt. 600 years wasn't enough to dull the pain, she didn't think it ever would dull. Or that she'd ever learn to live with it.

What had he done with his life. Had he ever visited all the planets they'd said they wanted to see. Had he managed to achieve the peace they'd all so desperately wanted, kept the coalition together and defeated the Romulans. Or had he been killed in some heroic action, trying to save his ship, his crew and Earth as he did. He'd always been a hero to her. She laughed again, another mirthless chuckle that sounded equal parts laughter and sobbing.

For the rest of her very long life she was going to miss everything that was Jonathan Archer. It didn't matter to her that that might be forever, he deserved to be remembered forever, and that was what she'd do, it was all she could do.


End file.
